When I rule the world…

When I rule the world, I will have a harem to amuse me. I don’t need sex. I just want the pretties. Mark W. Salling would be among them. We could kick back, have some laughs…

People will be forced to take more classes in English with an emphasis on grammar and spelling, if only so that I can stop cringing when I read what other people write and type.

Turn signals will be mandatory.

Cellphone bans while driving will be lifted but only for those who can prove to be adept at talking on the phone and driving at the same time. Those who ruined it for everyone else get to continue with the ban.

Enough with the vampires in the media! There will be no more vampire-related movies or television shows until everyone decides to admit that Twilight is not the epitome of the genre. In fact, Stephenie Meyer is banned from writing until she can learn to be a better writer.

All television show cancellations will have to go through me. No more mid-season cancellations of a show that I just got into. No more denial of renewals for shows that have a large fanbase but just ‘didn’t bring in the numbers’ the network was looking for. Screw that. When the networks learn how to properly acquire ‘the numbers’, they can have that control back; I will still hold veto power. Third season of Legend of the Seeker, anyone? Firefly, perhaps? Dark Angel: 10 years later! (Side note, did you know that Dark Angel was canceled to make room for Firefly?)

Fashion models will be required to have a minimum body size of a US women’s 5. Let’s undo the obsession with stick-thin women!

Immigrants to any country will be required to learn the native language before being allowed entry. Fines and probably deportation will be the punishment for those who do not comply. Exceptions to this rule will be the young (who are learning), the elderly, and the mentally handicapped who do not hold the capacity to learn another language.

There is no such thing as “a happy period” and the lying commercials that try to tell you such nonsense will be banned.

Gordon Ramsay will be my personal chef. =D

People who decide to have garage sales/yard sales will be required to have a checklist of DOs and DON’Ts because I am tired of the lazy-ass people who have no idea what they’re doing. They just waste my time and ruin the day for me. Learn to make proper signs. Learn to put up proper signs. For goddess sake, have cash on hand for change BEFORE people start showing up. Me having to scrounge through my change compartment in my car because you cannot break a $5 makes me want to give you the finger and leave. You didn’t even try.

People who eat with their mouths open and smack while they chew shall be banned from eating in public until they can learn proper manners. The only excuse that will be allowed is some sort of physical deformity or injury that prevents them from chewing with their mouth closed. A doctor’s note will be required to be kept on their person.

I’m sure I have a lot more changes that I would make but I just got bored with myself and am now going to couch surf with my book.