Even though I’m posting this on the 2nd of July, it is 3:25am. “Today” was my last day at work. Bittersweet, really. I spent too many days in that building, too many hours on the phone getting yelled at by members and drivers. I won’t miss the building–just as I won’t miss this apartment. I will not miss the BS that was so rampant within those walls. I will miss the people and the dynamics of the various little groups that get created day in and day out. Someone once accused me of being in a clique because of who I preferred to hang out with. No, no. Some people just weren’t worth my time. Sorry. That isn’t being part of a clique. That is me choosing to share my awesomeness with those who better deserve it.
A small group went out to the local bar tonight for a small going away party in my honor. While I wish there had been more people, it was still very fitting. I was never a party person. I was not one to hit up the bar after work. Maybe if I had I wouldn’t have hated my life so much. But I’d always felt so compelled to come home to the apartment even though I hated it. Both of them, actually. Maybe that is another reason why I got so frustrated with Rick’s choice to be away five to six nights out of the week. I was the one with the later shift and yet I often came home to an empty apartment. Something was very off about that. I just got off track…
“I’m fine.” was the phrase of the night. I will now giggle every time someone utters those words around me. I learned that I absolutely love shots by the name of Washington Apples. In fact, Kim will be here “tomorrow”/today to help me pack and will have a “gallon worth of Washington Apples” for us to get piss drunk on. Drunk packing! Should be interesting… and memorable!
I am officially unemployed.
Your arms beneath me, your light inside me; I used to love your every little thing. Your eyes blue stars, your hand in my purse; Now I hate your every little thing. Oh mama I didn’t know life was this hard. Oh mama my innocence has been tarred. My inner vision dulled and darkened. I gave myself away to you. I felt my sorrow humble me and throw my crown upon the ground. It was you I hoped for and us I prayed for and me that I believed was wrong. But now my anger is my best friend and careful, I may bite your head off. So call me a bitch in heat and I’ll call you a liar. And we’ll throw stones until we’re dead.
Paula Cole – Throwing Stones
